


Fade Away

by MorganaNK



Category: Ashes to Ashes
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:47:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 13,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7350172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gene notices something is seriously wrong with Alex</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Characters are the property of Matthew Graham, Ashley Pharoah, the BBC and all other interested parties.  
> No copyright infringement intended

I think I first noticed something was up when she started to come in to work dressed like a nun. Well, when I say dressed like a nun I don’t mean she literally put on a wimple and habit before walking into CID, more that her collars got higher, her sleeves got longer, and her heels turned into flats. At first I thought that she was finally listening to me about the practicalities of chasing down a suspect in three inch stilettos, but when you added in the lack of slutty clothing, I knew something was going on.

As I said, that was the first time I noticed.

Once the change in her dress had caught my attention, I began to notice other things. The way she didn’t put herself forward when we were having a briefing, the way she tried to fade into the background whenever Chris, Ray, Terry, Bammo or Poirot approached her, the way that she could hardly look me in the eye. She never sat on the edge of my desk any more, preferring to keep her distance as much as possible. 

She just wasn’t my Bolly any more.

To begin with I teased her in my normal inimitable fashion but, when she didn’t rise to the bait, I knew that there was something serious going on. 

I tried to talk to her over in Luigi’s at lunchtime. She would still sit at our table, but always as far away from me as the seating would allow. I also became aware that her alcohol consumption had decreased. Before she would have thought nothing of helping me work our way through two or three bottles of ‘ouse rubbish, now one glass would last an entire evening as she sipped it slowly without meeting my gaze.

Her answers were stilted, and the banter wasn’t there. She had never been backwards in coming forwards, but now it was like trying to prise open an oyster to get to the pearl. Nothing I did or said seemed to scratch the surface.

It was when this had been going on for nearly a month that I decided that I needed to say something in a more direct manner. If teasing and banter wasn’t going to get her to open up to me then I would have to take a leaf out of her psychtwattery book and have a proper adult conversation with her.

I stood, picked up my coat and swept out into the general CID office.

“Grab yer coat Bolls, you’ve pulled!”

It was painful to watch as she slowly tidied her desk and pulled on her long cardigan that she had taken to wearing, wrapping it round her like a shield. 

Ray and Chris stood and began to reach for their jackets.

“Not you two. When I need the assistance of the blunder twins I’ll ask for it. Ray, try not to let everything go tits up in our absence.” I turned and looked at Alex, who was still finding something on the floor incredibly interesting. “Well come on Bolls, let’s fire up the Quattro.”

With that parting shot I swept out of the office, knowing that she would be trailing along behind me, even if it was somewhat unwillingly.


	2. Chapter 2

I pulled into the driveway of my house and brought the Quattro to a standstill. Throughout the journey Alex had said nothing; she had just sat in the passenger seat, as close to the door as possible, staring out of the window. Sighing, I opened my door and got out. She didn’t move.

“Come on Drake, I ‘aven’t got all day.”

Again her movements were slow, as if it were taking everything she had just to keep breathing. I waited for her to shut the door behind her, locked the car and then headed to the front door, not bothering to check that she was following me.

.-.-.-.

Once we were inside the house Alex just stood in the hallway, trying her best to blend in with the woodchip wallpaper. I took off my coat and draped it over the banister.

“Front room’s through there; make yourself at ‘ome.” I gestured towards the door to our left. “Tea?”

She nodded briefly and then slipped through the door like a shadow. Shaking my head, I made my way to the kitchen.

.-.-.-.

I switched on the kettle and then gathered together the mugs, tea bags, milk, sugar and teaspoons. Bracing myself against the work surface, I tried to clear my mind. This was all new territory to me. Usually, if I wanted to know something and a person wasn’t talking then I would beat it out of them. I couldn’t do that with Alex. She was as frail as a bird with a broken wing; and I knew that one wrong step could make her withdraw from me even more than she already had. 

“Where are you when I bloody need you Tyler?” I muttered under my breath. He would have known what to do; and he probably would have laughed himself silly at the thought of the mighty Manc Lion tying himself up in knots over a posh tart like Bolly.

The kettle coming to the boil derailed my train of thought, and I turned my attention back to making the tea.

.-.-.-.

I entered the front room, and found her perched on the edge of the sofa. She wasn’t relaxed; if anything she looked as if she could run from the room at any minute. I put her mug of tea on the table and sat down beside her.

“Tea Bolls, just as you like it, but you tell anyone that I made it for you then I’ll ‘ave to stamp on your pretty little ‘ead.”

No reaction, not that I had expected one.

“I know that I normally say that I want you to shut up, but this is unusual, even for you.”

Still nothing. I moved closer to her, and she sprang from the sofa and started to pace back and forth in front of the fire place, muttering under her breath. I stood and walked over to her, trying to block her path. 

“Bolls, talk to me.”

She backed away from me, scrambling away until she backed herself into a corner. I approached her cautiously.

“It’s me Bolls, the Gene Genie.”

She sank to the floor, her head on her knees, and shaking. She was also mumbling something, the same words over and over again.

“Please don’t, please don’t, please don’t.”


	3. Chapter 3

I crouched down beside her, at a loss to know what to do for the best.

“Alex, it’s ok, you’re safe ‘ere. It’s just me, Gene, there’s no one else ‘ere.”

I hadn’t thought it possible, but my words seemed to make her curl into an even smaller ball. If she could have climbed inside of herself and disappeared then she would have. I changed position so that I was kneeling, and tentatively reached out a hand to touch her. She flinched away.

“Alex… Bolls, look, I don’t know what’s goin’ on with you, but I am ‘ere to ‘elp you, if you’ll let me. Please talk to me.”

“You… you told me that I couldn’t die.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper, but I heard every word.

“What Bolls?”

“In the vault… you, you said… you held me and you said…”

Her voice trailed off as she hugged her knees tighter, her face still buried in them. 

I took the risk and reached out a hand to her again. Even though she couldn’t see me, she seemed to sense my approach and flinched once more.

“I don’t understand Bolls; what does Edgehampton vault ‘ave to do with what’s ‘appening to you now?”

For the first time since we had arrived, she looked me straight in the eye.

“You lied.”


	4. Chapter 4

My blood ran cold, and I was sure that someone had just walked over my grave, but still I didn’t look away from her.

“What the bloody ‘ell are you talking about Alex? What do you mean that I lied? ‘Onestly, sometimes you’re more of a bloody fruitcake than I first thought!”

She shook her head sadly, her expression on of disappointment and hurt.

“It’s all a big joke to you isn’t it Gene?”

“No, I just can’t understand you ‘alf of the bloody time!”

“Can’t or don’t want to? Does it scare you Gene, when you let slip the side of you that is a, what did Sam call you? Ah yes, I remember, an over-weight, over the hill, nicotine stained, borderline alcoholic, homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding. Does it make you feel vulnerable when you can’t hide behind all the bullshit and the bluster? Why are you so convinced that showing any other type of emotion beside anger makes you somehow less of a man?”

“’Ow the ‘ell did this suddenly become about me? I brought you ‘ere because I thought that maybe I could ‘elp you and instead you ‘ave a go at me. What is this, slap Gene day or something?”

She reached out a shaky hand and gently cupped my face.

“Oh Gene; although you’re going to hate me for saying this, deep down inside you are a really sweet man.”

Her change of attitude confused me. She had done a complete one-eighty; gone was the crying, hysterical mess; the Alex in front of me now was calm, almost scarily so. I decided to go with it and see what happened; there wasn’t much else I could do.

“Talk to me Alex. Help me understand. I need to understand if I am going to be able to help you.”

“What do you want me to say to you Gene? What could I possible say to you that could make any difference to what is going on here?”

We seemed to be going round in circles and I was beginning to feel completely out of my depth. It wasn’t a feeling I was at all comfortable with.

“You talk to me Alex, if I mean anything to you at all then talk to me; tell me what is going on and let me do what I can to help you.”

Alex slumped against me, and this time didn’t fight me when I put my arm round her to offer her support and comfort.

“I can die here Gene. I thought I couldn’t, but I can. And if I can die here then it must mean that this is real. And if this is real…”

Her voice trailed off as she buried her face in my chest, and I felt my shirt becoming wet with her tears. I wrapped my other arm around her and held her close, whispering what I hoped was soothing nonsense and waited for the storm to pass.


	5. Chapter 5

I held her for what seemed like hours. Eventually I heard her breathing even out and realised that she had cried herself to sleep. It was the most peaceful I had seen her in weeks and so, even though my back was killing me and my arm had gone numb, I didn’t move. I wanted her to have some rest while I mulled over what had just passed.

Whatever had happened to Alex it was something bad. Something that could make her change from someone outgoing, so full of life, always up for a laugh, an argument, or a night at Luigi’s to someone who was a shell of her former self. The way she flinched when I tried to comfort her, as if she expected me to lash out at her, to strike her. And then there was all the talk about being able to die, and about everything being real. Everything she said confused me, and at the same time made warning bells ring loudly in my head. Was she ill? Had she been attacked? I didn’t like the direction my thoughts were taking, because all of them pointed to Alex being hurt; and that was something I didn’t want to begin to contemplate.

She stirred in my arms, muttering something to herself that I couldn’t quite make out. I lowered my head and brushed my lips gently against her hair.

“’S’alright Bolls, I’ve got you an’ I won’t let anythin’ ‘appen to you. I promise.”

She settled again, snuggling closer to me, her head nestled against my chest. It felt right, her being in my arms, even if what had brought her here appeared to be so very wrong. Slowly but surely this posh, mouthy tart had worked her way through all my carefully constructed defences, or the bullshit and bluster as she had so delicately referred to it, and into my heart. Before I knew what was happening she had made herself at home there and now, although my actions might have convinced her otherwise, I didn’t want her to ever leave.

I couldn’t begin to imagine my life without Alex in it, in whatever shape, form or guise her presence happened to take. She was what I had been looking for all this time, and yet I hadn’t realised it until she had crashed into my world, turning me and everything around me upside down and inside out.

Who would have thought it possible? Certainly not me!

I felt my eyes beginning to grow heavy and, despite the fact that I was in the most uncomfortable position known to man, when sleep came I didn’t fight it.


	6. Chapter 6

It was the screaming that woke me. As I struggled back to consciousness I realised that I was alone on the sofa, although I knew Alex was still in the room because of the volume of her terror. I looked around frantically, finally spotting her curled up on the floor next to the coffee table. Once again it looked as if she was trying to make herself as small as insignificant as possible, but her screaming didn’t stop.

Part of me wanted to run to her, sweep her into my arms and never let her go, but some of her psychtwatttery must have pierced my thick Neanderthal skull because I knew that wasn’t what she needed me to do right now. I had to talk her down; there was no one else here to do it.

I slid from the sofa onto my knees, staying so that the coffee table was between us.

“Bolly, it’s alright, you’re with me at my ‘ouse.”

She didn’t move from her foetal position on the floor, but her screams did begin to lessen. I wasn’t sure if that was because she had heard my voice or if she had just screamed herself virtually hoarse.

I crept a little closer to her.

“Bolls, it’s me, Gene. Look at me Bolls, nothin’ is going to ‘appen to you ‘ere.”

Her screams became keening wails; I didn’t know which was worse. I took a chance, made my way to her side and reached out a tentative hand, which I placed on her shoulder. She didn’t flinch.

“Alex, you’re safe. I’m not goin’ to let anythin’ ‘appen to you.”

The next thing I knew I was pinned under the weight of a sobbing hysterical mess as Alex flung herself at me.

“I couldn’t stop it… I didn’t want it but I couldn’t stop it… I couldn’t stop him.”


	7. Chapter 7

My blood ran cold as I heard her utter those words. My worst fears were being realised; someone had hurt Alex. The primal beast deep inside me let out a guttural roar at the though of anyone touching her, hurting her, destroying what made her so special. I needed to know more.

“What do you mean Alex? Who did what to you that you didn’t want?” My voice was controlled and precise; I was fighting the urge to leap up, find the man who had laid a finger on her, and rip him limb from limb.

She slumped bonelessly in my arms, and so I gathered her closer to me, wanting to protect her and knowing that it was just too damn late.

“Talk to me Alex.”

“It… it was the day when you were summoned upstairs to meet with the Super. A call came in from a snout, saying that Layton had been spotted hanging around the Lady Di again. I… I knew I should have waited… or should have taken Ray and Chris with me… but… but I was just so blinded with finding him.”

My blood dropped another few degrees; I was certain it was turning to ice in my veins. The beast inside me roared again, tortured at the thought of its mate be violated.

“Go on.”

“When… when I got there I couldn’t see anyone… so I… I decided to check out the boat… I thought… I thought I was alone…”

Alex’s voice began to break, and I knew that she was crying again. As much as I wanted to take away her pain, to tell her that it didn’t matter, that she didn’t have to tell me what had happened, that she could forget about it; I knew that I couldn’t do that. I needed to know who had hurt her and how. I hooked my index finger under her chin and made her lift her head from my chest.

“Look at me Bolls.”

She tried to shy away; her watery eyes attempting to desperately focus anywhere but on my face; I wasn’t having any of it.

“Alex, I need you to tell me what ‘appened next.”

She sniffed loudly, and then buried her face in my shirt. I thought that she wasn’t going to say anything more, but then she began to speak, her voice almost a whisper.

“He came out of nowhere, cursing me, telling me that everything was my fault. I could smell his aftershave and feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. His hands… his hands were everywhere… touching me… probing me… tearing at my clothes. He… he pulled one of my breasts from my bra and… and he bit me… hard… drawing blood. His hands… his hands… he put his hands… he took off my underwear… clawing… thrusting and biting and tearing… he hurt me, he made me bleed.”

Alex’s voice was once again lost as she broke down. As I held her tightly I didn’t say anything; what words could I use that would take away her pain?


	8. Chapter 8

I don’t want to tell him this. I don’t want to see him look at me with pity in his eyes. He is Gene Hunt, he is the Guv, and I am his second in command. How can he respect and trust me when he hears what had happened to me, when he hears that I didn’t fight back. I am a Detective Inspector, trained in hostage negotiation, and yet I had been powerless.

Despite what I have been through, I feel safe with him holding me. He can be a bastard; violent and crude, but when he has his arms around me, the scent of him invading each and every pore, it is as if I am surrounded by a protective bubble that nothing bad can enter.

As I am telling him I can feel his barely contained anger, coiled up and hissing in his chest. It should be frightened, and if it had been anyone else I would have shied away, but with Gene I know that I have nothing to fear.

I don’t know how I am going to tell him everything; because once I do it becomes real. Once I say the words I become the victim.

Will he demand to see my battle scars? Will he sweep me into his arms and take me to hospital when he knows the full extent of what I have been through? Will he hate me? Will he ever want to hold me this way again?

Ray was right, wherever the Guv is *is* where you want to be, where you should be. I should have listened to him and then maybe none of this would ever have happened. If I hadn’t gone off without telling anyone; if I hadn’t been so obsessed with capturing Layton and making him pay for what he did to my family, what he did to me, then maybe I wouldn’t be slowly falling apart; maybe I wouldn’t be so scared that I will never be whole again.


	9. Chapter 9

She was asleep in my arms again, having cried herself out. It didn’t surprise me, I felt physically and mentally exhausted too. 

I tried to make sense of what she had told me, fearing that I had only uncovered the tip of a very large iceberg. 

I hated myself for not approaching her sooner, for not seeing how much pain she was in and doing something about it. Oh I may put on the front of bullshit and bravado, but deep down I really did care about people. Not that it always worked out for the best; case example Sam Tyler, but that didn’t stop me from caring.

I looked down at the beautiful woman I was currently holding and felt my heart break. She was a shadow of her former self, and I couldn’t help but think that I had allowed it to happen.

“I promise you Bolls, that whatever you need, however long it takes, I am going to be here for you. I won’t let you down again. I’m going to help you through this. You won’t have to face this alone any more.”

~*~*~

I woke to find her looking at me, an expression of puzzlement on her face. She reached out a tentative hand and stroked my cheek.

“Why are you still here?”

Her question confused me.

“Where else would I be Bolls?”

She turned away from me and untangled herself from my arms, sitting as far away from me as possible, and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Don’t I disgust you? Don’t you look at me and feel revulsion?”

“What the bloody ‘ell are you goin’ on about woman?”

“How can you bear to look at me? I can hardly bear to look at me, the scars from where he…” Her voice trailed off.

“Bolls? What scars?”

“I told you… he bit me… on…”

I turned towards her not wanting to crowd her, but at the same time needing her to tell me everything.

“That would be a scar, singular. You said scars. Bolls, please, tell me what ‘appened to you.”

“I’ve said everything… told you everything… please don’t make me… please.”

I moved closer still, hoping against hope that I wouldn’t scare her, needing her to tell me, needing to know everything. Maybe I was being selfish, but I thought that she needed to tell me too.

“Alex, listen to me. What ‘appened to you wasn’t your fault. No one asks to be raped. I’m not leaving you, I’m not goin’ anywhere. Tell me what ‘e did to you.”

All of a sudden her anger was back. She stood and violently tore at her shirt.

“There!!! Is that what you wanted to see???”


	10. Chapter 10

It took me a while to realise what I was looking at, but once I did I was horrified. Alex’s torso was covered in cuts; some shallow and some not so, but each one looking angry and inflamed. No wonder she had been moving so slowly and painfully; in fact I was surprised that she had let me hold her.

“Bloody ‘ell Drake, why didn’t you say somethin’? ‘Ave you seen a doctor?”

“What? And be prodded and poked by someone else? My body isn’t my own any more; I can’t bear to look at it. If I keep everything covered up then maybe, just maybe I’ll start to forget.”

I stood from the sofa and threw her my coat.

“Put that on, we’re gettin’ you checked out.”

She just stood there, her shirt torn open and my coat in her hand, the expression on her face one of complete and utter defeat.

“Bolls, we need to get these cuts looked at.”

Still she didn’t move.

Sighing, I walked over to her, took my coat from her hand and wrapped it carefully round her shoulders. I was just about to try and gently lead her out of the door and to the car when she began to speak again, her voice wavering with emotion.

“I thought I was going to die Gene. All the time he was inside of me, hurting me, tearing me… all the time he was cutting me… all I could think of was that I was going to die, and I would never see Molly again, never get to blow out the candles on her birthday cake, never see her graduate, or walk up the aisle, or give birth to my first grandchild. And then, when it was over, I began to hope that I would die.”

“Why would you want to die Bolls?”

“Just look at me Gene, look at me. Every time I see myself in the mirror I see nothing but guilt and shame. I’m supposed to be a police officer; I’m supposed to be a psychologist, trained in negotiating, and all I could do was just lie there and let Markham do what he wanted to with my body.”

“Markham??? That jumped up yuppie twat??? Markham did this to you???”

“Seems that getting shot in the foot by a police officer means that you don’t get sent down for long; just long enough to grow to resent the bitch who screwed you over.”

“You are not a bitch!” I almost spat my reply, the fury inside of me desperately crying out for release.

“Then what am I Gene? Look at me and tell me what you see; because I don’t think there’s anything of Detective Inspector Alex Drake left?”


	11. Chapter 11

I took Alex’s hand in mine and she let me lead her over to the sofa, my coat still wrapped round her shoulders. She sat, pulling it tightly around her, and my heart broke just that little bit more. I crouched down in front of her.

“Listen t’ me Alex. I can’t begin t’ understand what you’ve been through, there is no way that any man really could, but I can tell you one thing, none of this is your fault. I know that it may not seem like it right now, but you will get through this, you will make it through t’ the other side. You’ve got friends, people who will ‘elp you an’ support you, me included. ‘Onestly Bolls, there is no way on earth that any of us will let you go through this on your own.”

She raised her head and looked at me, tears glistening in her eyes, and then she slid off the sofa onto her knees and buried her head in my shoulder, clinging to my shirt with a vice like grip. Yet again I could feel my shirt become wet with her tears, and it was then that it hit me just how damaged Alex truly was, and how it was going to take a long time and a lot of help just to start putting her back together.

This was something that I had no experience of, and it was with bitter amusement I realised that if this had happened to someone who I had come across because of the job then I would have immediately handed them off to Alex, deferring to her because she was a psychologist, and because she was female. Although I had promised her that I would be there for her, I actually had no idea how I should even begin to go about helping her.

I again berated myself for not having noticed her suffering sooner, marvelling at how she had managed to carry on functioning at the level she had. I also felt a ball of fury making a home for itself in my stomach, and I knew that it wouldn’t leave me until I had Markham’s scrotum on a barbed wire platter. If only Chris had aimed higher when he had shot the bastard!

I stood, sweeping Alex into my arms as I did so, and headed towards the stairs.

“Where are you taking me Guv?”

I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, pleased that she felt relaxed enough in my company to call me Guv and yet all the while hoping that I wasn’t doing further damage to her already destroyed soul.

“You need t’ rest Bolls, proper rest, an’ my sofa isn’t the most comfortable place in the world. I’m goin’ t’ put you to bed, an’ then while you’re sleepin’ I’m goin’ t’ ask Ray an’ Chris t’ try an’ find Markham.”

“You won’t tell them why; please Guv. I couldn’t bear to see them look at me with pity.”

I pressed another kiss to her forehead.

“No Bolls, I won’t tell ‘em yet, but they’ll ‘ave to know eventually; everyone will.”


	12. Chapter 12

After making a brief but very to the point phone call to Ray, he and Chris were out looking for Markham. I had made it perfectly clear to them that I didn’t want one hair on his head out of place. However much I wanted to beat him until he was nothing but a stain on the carpet, I knew that it wouldn’t do Bolly any good if he got let off because his arrest and interview weren’t done by the book.

Ray had started to ask what Markham had done and, as much as I had promised Bolls that I wouldn’t tell anyone what had happened to her, I knew that I had to give them a reason to arrest him; ‘you’re nicked for being a yuppie bastard’ wouldn’t look good on the custody sheet. In the end I just said that he had assaulted a senior officer, and Ray seemed to accept that without further questioning. 

I quietly made my way upstairs to my room. Alex was still fast asleep in my bed, although she was again curled up into a ball, as if she were protecting herself from attack. I sat down in the chair opposite the bed and watched her sleep, taking in her appearance. Her makeup had been washed away by her tears, and I could see how pale she was, the heavy black circles under her eyes betraying her lack of sleep. She had lost weight, and again I mentally kicked myself for letting this situation go on for so long.

I wanted to help her, I really did, but I also knew, deep down, that she needed far more help than I would ever be able to give her. I could be there for her, listen to her, support her, take her to appointments and hold her when she cried, but she needed to talk to someone; someone who could understand, someone who could guide her and help her as she slowly recovered. She also needed medical attention; her description of what Markham had done to her had turned my stomach, and that was before I saw the cuts he had inflicted on her body. The little shit had made sure that she would have a permanent reminder of him; somehow I needed to make that permanent reminder a less glaring one.

I knew that we were probably heading for another argument; another round of tears and tantrums, but this time I wouldn’t be swayed. As soon as Alex woke I was taking her to hospital. 

I relaxed back in the chair; my right leg crossed over my left knee, and sighed deeply. Never, in all my years had I had a woman affect me the way Alex had. If the ex Mrs Hunt had been hurt like this… well, I would probably have been sympathetic, I wasn’t that much of a heartless bastard; but I certainly wouldn’t have been sitting by her bedside, wishing that I could turn back time, and that I could take away her pain. I didn’t do emotions; or at least I didn’t until I met Bolly.

She murmured in her sleep, her face screwing up in pain. I leant forward, ready to wake her or, if she woke herself, comfort her if it was what she needed, but instead she calmed herself. I was relived, she needed her sleep, and I would stand guard while she got it.

I had meant what I said; she would not have to go through this alone.


	13. Chapter 13

She had been asleep for nearly ten hours, and that made me wonder just how long it had been since she had really slept. I had heard from Ray; so far they had had no luck in finding Markham, but everyone was checking in with their snouts and keeping an eye out. I reiterated that finding him was our number one priority, and that my desk was cleared of every other case until we had him in the cells. I could tell that Ray was begging to ask just what was going on, but I didn’t give him the opportunity.

I had also checked in with the Super and, despite my promise, I had told him everything that had happened to Alex. He understood, and was horrified, fully supporting my plan to get her to the hospital and also to get her some sort of professional help. I didn’t think Alex was going to thank me; but this was all going to be done by the book.

I knew that she was going to fight me tooth and nail when she woke, and in some respects I could understand. What was it that she had said, her body wasn’t her own any more; I could see why she would think that.

A noise from the bed alerted me to the fact that Alex was stirring, and I braced myself for whatever there was to come. She had been peaceful for a good few hours but, when reality hit it would probably be a whole different ball game.

“Guv?”

Her voice was rough from sleep, the effect of it going straight to Sergeant Rock. I was slightly disgusted with myself, but then again I was also human. I tried to think of Russian shot putters as I answered her.

“You ok Bolls?”

She rubbed her eyes and then looked at me again.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Ten or so hours, you must have needed it.”

As soon as I had spoken it was as if she had had an electric shock. She sprang out of bed, desperately trying to do something to make her shirt look presentable.

“Ten hours? Why didn’t you wake me? We’re late for work?”

“Bolls?”

She didn’t seem to hear me, or if she did she wasn’t paying me any attention.

“DRAKE!”

That made her stop in her tracks. I hadn’t wanted to shout at her, but I couldn’t bear to see her in a blind panic over something so insignificant. I walked over to her and made her take a seat on the bed.

“Now then Drakey, before you went t’ sleep I told you that you needed t’ get those wounds looked at. My opinion ‘asn’t changed. I know that you don’t want t’ go and see a doctor, but what you want and what you need are two entirely different things. I’ll lend you a shirt, but as soon as you’re washed, we’re goin’ to the ‘ospital.”

She didn’t move, didn’t look at me and didn’t respond.

“Come on Bolls, you need t’ trust the Gene Genie. I’ll be there with you.”

“Promise?”

Her voice was faint, but I could hear the question quite clearly.

I gently kissed her forehead and then took one of her hands in mine.

“For all the use I’ll be; I promise.”

.-.-.-.

The A&E department was heaving, but a quick wave of the warrant card got us to the front of the queue. Alex was virtually welded to my side; her hand clasped tightly in mine, her eyes cast down to the floor. She allowed me to lead her and do all the talking; she was almost rigid with fear.

We were taken through to a cubicle, where Alex was told to get undressed, put on a gown and wait until a doctor was free to see her. I stayed by her side the whole time, not that she would have let me leave if I had wanted to. I didn’t like the way she was being treated, it was as if she were an inconvenience; an opinion that was reinforced when the male doctor swept back the curtain and approached her to begin the examination without even introducing himself or asking her permission. As she cowered on the bed, holding onto my hand for dear life, I stood, placing myself between him and Alex.

“Excuse me mate, DCI Hunt, an’ your name would be?”

“I am the doctor who has come to treat this woman.”

“This woman, as you see fit to call ‘er, is Detective Inspector Alex Drake. She ‘as been through a very traumatic ordeal, an’ you pal ain’t ‘elping!”

“I understand that, but unless I can examine her I can’t help her.”

“To be ‘onest, I don’t think you can ‘elp ‘er. She needs t’ see a female doctor.”

“I can assure you that I am fully qualified…”

I could feel Alex shaking like a leaf behind me; there was no way that this man was getting anywhere near her.

“I don’t doubt that for a second, but you still aren’t layin’ one finger on ‘er. Find ‘er a female doctor with a better bedside manner.”

With that I turned my back on the doctor and focused on Alex. She flung herself into my arms, shaking and crying. I held her close, stroking her back and whispering to her.

“Don’t worry Bolls; I won’t let ‘im touch you.”


	14. Chapter 14

The female doctor they finally found to treat Alex was the complete antithesis of the lumbering oaf who had pissed me off so thoroughly the first time around. She was young, but she seemed to know exactly how to deal with Alex; the right tone of voice, the right words to say. She didn’t do anything without asking permission first, and she also explained everything so that there would be no unpleasant surprises.

Alex hadn’t wanted to let go of me through it all and, although I was a little uncomfortable at being present during something so intimate, I kept my concerns to myself as they were nothing to what Alex had suffered.

She had had an internal examination, which had resulted in some stitches. Alex hadn’t uttered a word as they were being done, but the grip on my hand had tightened and silent tears had run down her face. It pained me to see her suffering so, but I knew that I had done the right thing in making her seek treatment.

The wounds on her torso had also received care; stitches where they were needed and proper cleaning too. An antibiotic cream was prescribed, as well as painkillers; I made a mental note to keep a close eye on those, Alex was in a fragile enough mental state without that kind of temptation.

As I had sat with her I had come to a decision; she was coming to live with me. There was no way that I could let her go back to that flat; no matter how good a landlord Luigi was, Alex had been able to give up on life right under his nose; right under my nose too. She needed to be somewhere where she felt safe; somewhere where she could be reminded to take care of herself; to eat, to take her medication, to attend any hospital appointments that she might need to have. I wanted to take responsibility for her.

Once the doctor had finished tending to her, she sat and talked to us both. It was pretty much as I had expected; Alex would need follow up appointments to check that she was healing, and she would need counselling. This was one time when she couldn’t help herself.

I was surprised how compliant Alex had become, even though she still hadn’t let go of me. She had accepted the examination and the treatment, even though every second of it had hurt her just that little bit more. She also agreed, albeit mutely, to the counselling. I hoped that her calmness was just that, and not a precursor to another emotional breakdown. Only time would tell.

When we had returned from the hospital I had sat her on the sofa in front of the television while I busied myself in the kitchen warming some soup. I couldn’t believe how protective I had become, and I didn’t care who knew it. I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that Alex recovered; even if she never did get back to being the bolshy posh tart I had fallen in love with. Alex was my responsibility, and I wasn’t going to let her down again.


	15. Chapter 15

It was three weeks since I had pushed the issue with Alex and discovered exactly what had happened to her; and in those three weeks a lot had changed. Sometimes it felt as if they had flown by in the blink of an eye, and at other times it was as though I were wading through treacle with an elephant on my back.

Alex was still living with me and, when the front door was closed and the outside world shut out, she was slowly improving. She was still having nightmares; and would wake screaming on almost a nightly basis; but she was beginning to let her guard down around me, sometimes I would even see the ghost of a smile on her face if I said something amusing or sarcastic. However, outside of home was a different story. Alex had insisted that she needed to carry on working, and had almost bitten my head off when I informed her that the Super and I thought that she should take some leave. In the end we both backed down, and I had told the team the bare minimum; just that Alex had been assaulted by Markham, and that she was to remain on desk duty until she was cleared by the doctors to do otherwise. I had appointed Shaz as her guardian when I had to be out of the office; a role which she had accepted without question, and which Alex had been happy with too. For all of the good she was at work, Alex might as well have been on the leave she had fought so desperately against; she was still taking a backseat in everything that was going on, not offering up opinions or ideas during briefings, and she was still wearing her cardigan as if it were a cloak of invisibility.

Her therapy was also progressing slowly. Twice a week I would take her to her appointments, and sit outside in the waiting area for an hour while she spoke to the therapist. Alex had made it clear to me that she didn’t want to discuss what was happening in these sessions, and I hadn’t pressed the issue. That said, because she was only showing small signs of improvement, I was in half a mind to make an appointment to see her therapist myself and patient confidentiality be damned. I knew that it was going to take a long time for Alex to start to feel comfortable and confident in the real world, but I had expected to see more improvement than I was, even after just three weeks. I began to be concerned that there was something going on that I should know about; and if Alex wasn’t going to tell me then…

At other times I thought that maybe I should just trust her. Perhaps I was expecting miracles. I had absolutely zero experience in dealing with what Alex was currently going through; and I’d never had to show the level of patience that I currently had to display when dealing with her; in fact patience was definitely not one of my strongest characteristics. Aggression and menace were the tools I used most frequently; my softer side was one I was not comfortable with airing. But this wasn’t about me, this was about Alex, and I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure that no one ever hurt her again, even if that meant going against my gut instinct.

When Alex was in CID it was as if we were all walking around on eggshells; or maybe it was just me that felt like that, I was the only one who knew what that bastard had done to her. Despite our best efforts Markham was still out there, it were as if he had vanished in a puff of smoke; but I wasn’t giving up on him, I was determined that I was going to make the bastard pay, if only so that Alex didn’t have to keep looking over her shoulder for him. I wanted to give her the closure that she needed; and I hoped that maybe her recovery would go faster if she knew that he was somewhere where he could never touch her again.

I looked out of my office, my eyes resting on Alex sitting at her desk. She was still so painfully thin, and you could tell from her body language she wasn’t relaxed, poised for flight at any moment. It broke my heart to see her like that, which would have surprised most people as they didn’t think I had one in the first place. I reached for the phone and dialled a now familiar number, waiting for it to connect.

“Hello? I’d like t’ make an appointment. My name’s DCI Hunt.”


	16. Chapter 16

I was sat in yet another uncomfortable plastic chair; it appeared that the NHS bought them in bulk and then supplied them to every facility under their umbrella. I wondered if the uncomfortableness of the furniture was a subversive way of keeping the waiting lists down, but didn’t have long to dwell on the subject before the door in front of me opened and a man approached me.

“DCI Hunt? My name is Dr O’Connor. If you’d like to come through.”

I stood and followed Dr O’Connor, not quite believing that I was going through with this. What had seemed a good idea while I was sat in the office worrying over Bolls now felt like the ultimate betrayal; still, I was here now so I might as well get on with it.

Dr O’Connor closed the door behind us and gestured towards a chair in front of his desk. I was relieved to see that it wasn’t related to the ones in the waiting room, and sank into it gratefully while he took a seat on the opposite side of the desk.

“So, DCI Hunt, what is it that I can do for you today?”

“I want t’ talk t’ you about Bolls, I mean about Alex Drake.”

“I’m afraid I can’t discuss a patient with you…”

“I know; patient confidentiality an’ all that bollocks. I don’t want you t’ tell me what you an’ ‘er talk about, I want t’ talk t’ you about ‘er, about what’s ‘appening t’ ‘er an’ ‘ow I can ‘elp ‘er; I’m worried about ‘er.”

“What has brought you here DCI Hunt…”

“It’s Gene.”

“Ok, what has brought you here today Gene? Has something happened that you want to talk about? Is there something bothering you that you feel you can’t talk to Alex about?”

“Of course there’s somethin’ botherin’ me, I’d ‘ardly be ‘ere if there wasn’t! I’m not expectin’ bloody miracles or anythin’, but she doesn’t seem t’ be improvin’ at all. It’s been three weeks now, I thought that she would be lettin’ ‘er guard down a bit at work, ‘specially as she was the one who insisted that she keep on workin’, but nothin’s changed. She just sits there, lookin’ terrified, an’ I ‘aven’t a clue what t’ do or ‘ow t’ ‘elp ‘er.”

“Gene, the best thing that you can do for Alex is just to be there for her and to listen to her. When she was raped she had the control taken away from her, she needs to gain that control back, and that is probably why she insisted that she keep on working, even if work is the last place that she really wants to be. She needs to do things her way, even if her way seems completely alien to you and everyone else around her.

“You need to support her, and help her realise that she is a survivor. Whatever she did or didn’t do, she is still alive. She is probably going to question herself endlessly; don’t tell her that she is right or wrong, whatever she did she did to survive and it worked.

“She is also going to probably go over things again and again. Never tell her that she should be over it, or try and distract her from talking about what happened to her; she may still need to talk about it three years from now, let alone three weeks.

“You’ve done the right thing in coming to talk to me, because you need someone to talk to too. Being the partner of a surviving rape victim; being there and supporting a survivor is a very difficult thing, and you need support too, so that you can support Alex. Talking to someone about how you feel doesn’t mean that you are weak, it just means that you need a little help too.

“Alex needs to know that you are there for her, and that you are not going to get angry with her, try to force her to do anything that she doesn’t want to or doesn’t feel able to cope with; and most of all she needs to know that you are always going to be there, that you are not going to turn your back on her and withdraw your support from her. She needs you more than she is letting show.”

I ran my fingers through my hair, exhaustion and frustration hitting me like an express train.

“I’ve never ‘ad t’ deal with anythin’ like this before, an’ I keep thinkin’ that I am doin’ things wrong or makin’ mistakes. I’m used t’ gettin’ things done my way, an’ I know that I can’t do that with Bolls an’ that frustrates me. Feelin’ useless is not somethin’ that sits comfortably with me.”

“I promise you Gene, useless is not a word that Alex uses when she talks about you. You just need to keep on doing exactly what you are doing and, if you think it would help you, you can come and see me. Never underestimate just how much you being you is helping Alex. You are a constant, and she needs all of those she can get in her life right now.”


	17. Chapter 17

Alex, wearing a pair of men’s pyjamas (mine!) and some thick woollen socks, was curled up on the sofa. I was relived to see her looking more relaxed than she had at work. I put a mug of tea down on the coffee table in front of her and then sat at the other end of the sofa.

“Where did you disappear off to today?”

I smiled inwardly, pleased that there was a hint of my Bolly beginning to escape from the damaged shell of a person who had taken her place. I thought about being sarcastic; it was nothing more than she would normally expect from me, but instead I decided to be honest.

“I went t’ see that therapist bloke of yours. Decided it was about time I found out whether or not I was hinderin’ you or ‘elping you.”

“And what did Dr O’Connor tell you?”

“’E didn’t break any confidences an’ I didn’t want ‘im to; I just wanted t’ make sure that I was doin’ the right thing. ‘E seemed t’ think that me being my normal, charmin’ self was all I needed t’ do.”

Alex let out a giggle; and it was a sound that gladdened my heart, especially as it was the first time I had heard her laugh in a long while.

“What’s so funny Mrs Woman?” I tried to sound wounded, but there was a huge grin spread across my face.

“I was just wondering; if you really were your normal, charming self, whether or not Dr O’Connor’s filing cabinets have lived to tell the tale.”

I pouted, “I’ll ‘ave you know that I left ‘im an’ ‘is office in exactly the same way as I found ‘em.”

Alex smiled, “Thank you.”

I looked at her quizzically.

“What for?”

She picked at a piece of invisible fluff on one of the legs of the pyjama pants, seemingly enthralled in what she was doing. It was a few moments before she spoke.

“I can’t have been the easiest person to be around lately; Mrs Fruitcake being even more of a fruitcake than she normally is; and yet you have been wonderful.”

Remembering what Dr O’Connor had said to me about listening and letting her talk, I kept quiet and waited for her to continue.

“I know you probably don’t understand the way I am behaving; or why I do things when they seem to make me uncomfortable and unhappy; but it means a lot that you are letting me do them, that you are supporting me.”

“I’m guided by you Bolls.”

She glanced up at me from under her hair; a fleeting smile gracing her face.

“That’ll be a first. Seriously though, I know that none of this is what you bargained for when you took on a female DI and, although you will probably hate me for saying this and destroying your alpha male image, I can’t imagine letting anyone other than you helping me through this. When it was happening… when Markham was… you know… I kept thinking that you would hate me, that you would be disgusted by me. I thought I'd lost you.”

“Never gonna ‘appen Bolls. You did what you did t’ stay alive.”

I was surprised when Alex closed the gap between us and curled up under my arm and against my side, her head resting on my chest.

“I'm scared a lot of the time, and you are one of the only things that I can rely on...”

“You can always rely on the Gene Genie Bolls.” 

Her voice was soft and tinged with sleep, but I caught what she said anyway.

“I know.”


	18. Chapter 18

Alex continued to improve; more at home than in CID but, now that I had spoken to Dr O’Connor and he had explained things, I wasn’t so concerned at the rate of her progress. Gradually the majority of her belongings left the flat and made their way back to my house, which was fast becoming ours. I loved having her living with me, something that I wouldn’t have thought possible. It just felt right.

We were closer now than we had been before her attack; but not in a sexual way. Most evenings would find us curled up together on the sofa; me holding her in my arms, and her with her head on my chest. I couldn’t quite get my head around the fact that she trusted me so much; but was overjoyed that she did.

Markham was still conspicuous in his absence; and it was pissing me off that we were unable to find him. I was convinced that someone had to be hiding him; that one of his Thatcherite wanker pals must have got him holed up in a penthouse apartment somewhere. I began to think that we were never going to catch the bastard…

It was a normal day. Alex was at her desk trying to blend in with the décor; Shaz was typing, filing, researching and making tea, whilst Chris and Ray were being their usual useless selves. I was just thinking about taking Bolls out for some lunch when the doors to CID burst open and in walked Bammo and Poirot dragging a drunken Markham between them.

Alex looked up from her desk and froze; unable to tear her eyes away from the man who had assaulted her, terror plainly written across her face. She scrambled to her feet, her chair falling over, and backed away into the corner of the room. As I rushed from behind my desk to reach her, her legs gave out and she crumpled to the floor. I heard Shaz shout ‘Ma’am’ and then hurry to her side; wrapping her arms around her as Alex buried her head in the shoulder of her uniform jacket.

I strode purposefully across the room to where the scumbag was, stopping toe-to-toe with him and looking him up and down with displeasure.

“Take this piece of filth t’ the cells; an’ make sure that someone calls ‘is solicitor; I want this one done by the bloody book!”

As Bammo and Poirot dragged Markham away I turned my attention back to Alex. She was still half lying on the floor and half cradled in Shaz’s arms. As I crouched down next to them I thanked whatever God that would listen that Markham had been too legless to realise that Alex was even in the room.

“It’s all right Bolls, ‘e’s gone.”

I kept my voice steady and low; knowing that I had to bring her back into the room in order to make her calm down. I risked putting a hand on the small of her back, and was relieved that she didn’t flinch. Taking another chance; I lifted her into my arms and carried her into my office; nodding my thanks to Shaz as I went.

Alex clung to me for dear life; so I didn’t even attempt to put her down in my chair; instead I sat down myself and then balanced her on my lap, my arms still tightly wrapped around her.

“I’m sorry ‘bout that Bolls; I should ‘ave told ‘em that if ‘e was found ‘e shouldn’t be brought into CID.”

I could feel her breathing evening out, although her death-grip on my jacket didn’t lessen any. 

“I wish I could take you straight ‘ome Bolls, but I need t’ make sure that all the t’s are crossed an’ the i’s are dotted. Got t’ get the arsehole checked out by the doctor; need it documentin’ that no one ‘ere ‘as ‘urt a ‘air on ‘is ‘ead. Don’t want ‘im chokin’ on ‘is own vomit, ‘owever tempting it might be. I’m gonna ask Shaz t’ come an’ sit with you; but I’ll be back as soon as I’ve made sure everythin’ is ok in custody an’ then I’ll take you ‘ome.”

She didn’t speak, but she let go of my jacket and ran her hand over it, smoothing the fabric down. I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, not giving a damn who could see me and what they thought, and then helped her stand up.

“I’ll be as quick as I can; I promise.”

I took my Crombie off the coat hook, wrapped it around her, and then guided her into my chair. Sticking my head out of my office door I called for Shaz, who responded immediately.

“I’ve got t’ go down t’ custody t’ check on our visitor. Look after DI Drake for me; make sure she isn’t left on ‘er own. I won’t be long.”

Shaz nodded and made her way over to Alex’s side as I headed towards the cells. I was going to make sure that nothing stopped us from getting a conviction. Markham was going to pay for what he had done to Bolls.


	19. Chapter 19

By the time I had made sure that Markham’s solicitor had been called, as well as the police surgeon, nearly three quarters of an hour had gone by. I hoped that Alex was ok; and I was still mentally kicking myself for not making sure that if and when he was caught, everyone knew that he wasn’t to be brought anywhere near CID.

He had been caught drink driving, his flash motor ending up bonnet first into a telegraph pole. Luckily no-one had been hurt, not even the pissed up bastard himself; there wasn’t a scratch on him.

I made my way back to CID, hoping against hope that Alex’s recovery wouldn’t be set back by seeing Markham again. Part of me wondered if I should call Dr O’Connor; but the rest of me just wanted to get her home where she felt safe. I had taken five minutes to speak to the Super, and he had agreed that I should take her home and stay with her for as long as it took.

As I entered my office I noticed that Alex was curled up on the floor, her head in Shaz’s lap, my Crombie still wrapped around her, and fast asleep. I was relieved to see that she was obviously calmer than when I had left her, but my heart still broke for her.

Repeating my actions from earlier; I nodded my appreciation to Shaz as I gathered Alex into my arms and, not bothering to acknowledge anyone else, made my way out to the Quattro.

.~.~.~.

Alex was just beginning to stir as I brought the Quattro to a gentle standstill outside the house.

“We’re ‘ome Bolls.”

She yawned and stretched, working out the kinks in her neck; and then got out of the car. I followed her to the front door, unlocking it and letting her inside. She shed my coat, placing it over the banister, slipped off her shoes, and then padded through to the front room, slumping down on the sofa.

I followed her through, sitting down next to her cautiously. She still hadn’t spoken; a fact that was worrying me slightly; I hoped that she wasn’t going to regress.

“Can I get you anythin’?”

She shook her head; and then moved closer to curl up next to me in her usual position. I slid my arm around her shoulders as she nestled closer, making herself comfortable. We sat for a while in companionable silence.

“I’m sorry Gene.”

Her voice was barely a whisper.

“What ‘ave you got t’ be sorry about?”

I absently stroked her shoulder with my thumb.

“The way I behaved in CID; the meltdown; falling apart like that.”

I rested my chin on top of her head, otherwise not moving from our familiar position.

“Now you listen t’ me Bolls, an’ listen carefully. You ‘ave absolutely nothin’ to apologise t’ me or t’ anyone else about; you didn’t do anythin’ wrong. It must ‘ave been one ‘ell of a shock seein’ that bastard again; I would ‘ave been more surprised if you ‘adn’t reacted the way you did.”

“I’m a police officer.”

“You’re a bloody ‘uman being too.”

“But…”

“Listen t’ me Drakey, I’m your Guv, an’ if I tell you that you ‘ave nothin’ t’ be sorry about then you ‘ave nothin’ t’ be sorry about. ‘Aven’t you learnt by now that I am always right?”

There was mirth in my voice as I didn’t want her to think that I was angry with her; that was the last thing she needed.

“You like to think you are!”

I was amused by her muttered response; knowing that there was no malice in it because she snuggled closer to me.

“No, I know I am. Now, ‘ow about I make us some lunch; there’s some tuna in the fridge.”

I felt Alex shudder against me.

“Ugh no, not fishy biscuits.”

“What the ‘ell are you going on about Mrs Woman?”

“Just something I read that has put me off tuna for life. Have we got any soup?”

I disentangled myself from her and stood.

“One bloody soup comin’ up; anyone would think we were in bloody Luigi’s! Is there anythin’ else that I can get for you Madam?”

Alex giggled.

“No thanks Guv; I don’t think your catering skills are far enough advanced to attempt sole.”

“Cheeky mare!”

.~.~.~.

I hadn’t been in the kitchen long when Alex’s head appeared around the doorway.

“Not ‘eatin’ your soup fast enough Madam?”

She didn’t smile; in fact the expression on her face was one of pure seriousness. She moved towards me purposefully, stopping when she was directly in front of me. She stared at me, as if she were trying to find the answer to some deep and meaningful question.

“What’s the matter Bolls?”

She pressed her right index finger to my lips; her eyes never leaving mine.

“Shush.”

She ran her finger tenderly over my lips, and then moved to cup the left side of my face with her hand, her thumb gently stroking my cheek. Sergeant Rock immediately stood to attention; and panic began to course through my veins. I didn’t know why Alex was behaving like this, and I was scared that whatever I did, however I reacted, somehow I would make things worse.

“What are you doin’ Alex? I don’t underst…”

Her finger moved back to my lips.

“I said shush.”

She stood on tiptoes, her mouth millimeters from mine.

“I don’t want soup any more Gene; I want you.”

My heart was pounding, and I was sure that she must be able to hear it.

“Are you sure Alex?”

“Positive.”

Her lips crashed against mine; her tongue seeking entry into my mouth. I acquiesced; my arms crept around her, pulling her tightly against me. I had wanted this for so long.

We broke apart when air became an issue; our foreheads resting against each other, breathing heavily.

“I know what you’re thinking Gene, and you’re wrong. I want this; I want you. I know that I still have a long way to go with my recovery, but right now the only place I want to be is in your bed, in your arms with you buried deep inside of me. I trust you not to hurt me; I trust you with my body and I trust you with my heart. Take me to bed Gene.”

She moved away from me and held out her hand, an expectant look on her face.

“Are you really sure this is what you want Alex?”

She nodded, and then laced her fingers through mine.

“I’m more sure about this than I am about anything else.”

Giving in, I allowed her to lead me from the kitchen and up the stairs to bed.


	20. Chapter 20

Alex lay sleeping in my arms, skin against skin, one of her legs resting between mine.

I couldn’t believe what had happened between us; it had come right out of left field. One moment she had been apologising to me and asking for some soup; and the next she was kissing me as if her life depended on it and then leading me by the hand to bed.

I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t wanted it as much as she appeared to; but I would also be lying if I said that I wasn’t petrified as to what would happen next. Alex was still damaged; I just hoped that what we had done hadn’t added to that.

I pressed a tender kiss to her forehead and then rested my cheek against the top of her head. I was tired, but I doubted that sleep would come for me.

.~.~.~.

Gene was snoring softly when I woke, his arms still firmly around me. For the first time in ages I felt whole; as if the piece of me that had felt like dying when Markham was raping me had finally been healed.

I knew that my actions had taken Gene by surprise; if I were honest they had taken me by surprise too. One minute we had been discussing soup and the next… well, let’s just say it was as if someone had removed my blindfold. I realised that Gene was the only one who had been there for me; who had held me when I had cried; comforted me when I had had nightmares; made sure that I had taken my medication; made sure that I didn’t give up on life. And then I realised that it was more than that; much, much more than that; I realised that I was in love with him; and I was pretty sure that he was in love with me too.

I didn’t sleep with him to repay him for his kindness; I didn’t sleep with him because I wanted to ‘get back on the horse’ so to speak; I slept with him because I wanted to; because I could no longer ignore the feelings that burned deep down inside of me every time I thought about him, every time he was near. I was still scared; and I knew that I had a long way to go before I was anywhere close to being the Alex Drake that I was before Markham; but I also knew that being with Gene, loving Gene, was a step in the right direction.

.~.~.~.

I awoke to someone tracing gentle circles around my right nipple. Glancing down at Alex I noticed a contented smile on her face.

“Mornin’”

“Good morning to you too, did you sleep well?”

“Mmm, did you?”

Alex propped herself up on one elbow and then resumed her ministrations.

“Yes thanks; slept for hours… first time in ages I didn’t have a nightmare.”

I hooked a finger under her chin and made her look at me.

“Alex, are you sure you’re ok? I mean, you don’t ‘ave any regrets or anythin’?”

She smiled at me, and then clambered astride me, leaning forward on her arms until her face was level with mine.

“I’m more than sure that I’m ok, and I definitely have no regrets; I love you Gene Hunt.”

Her lips tenderly met mine and all coherent thought was wiped from my mind. As I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me I muttered a response.

“Bloody love you Alex Drake.”

Those were the last words that either of us spoke for a long time.


	21. Chapter 21

Following a lengthy discussion with the Super, it was decided that Markham needed to be handed over to another station. While it sickened me to the stomach that another group of people had to know what that bastard had done to Alex, I agreed that, in order for him not to scream ‘fit up’ or accuse us of anything else, it would be better for another CID to handle the case.

Markham was transferred to Fenchurch West, along with all the evidence we had collected; the photos of Alex’s injuries and the doctor’s reports. He was being the same arrogant wanker he always had been; harping on constantly about his legal rights, which I made sure were granted to him to the nth degree. I just hoped that we had done everything properly; I needed this to be right for Alex.

Alex; just thinking about her made me smile; which was proving scary to a lot of people, especially Ray and Chris, who were used to me wearing an expression akin to a bulldog’s arse chewing a particularly vicious wasp. I couldn’t help it; there was just something about her; about the fact that she loved me; that made me feel about twenty foot taller and twenty years younger. Although we had only been together ‘like that’ for less than twenty-four hours, it felt as if my world had completely changed. I had even found myself singing in the bloody shower when we were getting ready for work.

There was a change in Alex too; it was as if someone had flicked a switch. When we had walked into CID together it was almost like it was before; she held her head high and her back straight, no cowering or hiding. She had slid into the chair behind her desk and blessed both Shaz and I with a dazzling smile that would have eclipsed the sun, before getting her head down and studying the files on her desk. We had had a briefing later on, and I couldn’t have been any more proud as she stood there, pen in hand, asking for suggestions and writing them on the white board.

I was relieved that no one asked about her meltdown the day before; and realised that I probably had Shaz to thank for that one. I made a mental note to stop dismissing her as just being a lobotomised Essex girl and to instead treat her with more respect.

Despite the improvement in Alex; I knew that this was pretty much the calm before the storm. She was going to have to be interviewed by the detectives at Fenchurch West; and she was going to have to face Markham in court. That would be the time when everyone found out what he had done to her, what he had put her through, what she had endured; the scars that he had left her with, and not just the physical ones. I would be there by her side every step of the way; I just hoped that my love and support; and the support of Dr O’Connor would be enough to help her through the ordeal.

.~.~.~.

After work we joined the gang in Luigi’s. We sat in a large group, me on one side of Alex and Shaz on the other; laughing and joking. Alex didn’t drink and I respected that; understanding that she probably wanted to be aware of everything that was going on around her; so I only had the one and then drank poncy French fizzy water with her. The things I did for love!

We didn’t stay for long; just over an hour was enough for both of us; Alex was getting antsy and I knew that she needed to be back home where she felt secure and where she could let her guard down. We said our goodnights and headed off to the Quattro.

The drive home was peaceful, neither of us saying a word, but the entire time Alex’s right hand sat securely on my left thigh; letting her know that I was here, that I was real, and grounding her in the here and now.

Once indoors we changed into our robes and took up our usual place on the sofa; Alex’s hand tenderly stroking my chest while I held her close.

“I was bloody proud of you today Bolls.”

She looked up at me through her lashes.

“You were?”

I gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“’Course I bloody was; the Gene Genie don’t go about handin’ out praise t’ just anyone. You faced the day ‘ead on; like the old Bolls, an’ I know it couldn’t ‘ave been easy on you.”

She settled back against me, returning her attention to stroking my chest.

“I came to a lot of conclusions last night; not just the ones about you and I. I can either let what Markham did to me ruin my life, or I can claw back the control he took from me and start to live again. I decided that I am not going to let him beat me.”

“Is that a posh way of sayin’ that Madam Fruitcake is goin’ t’ be back in CID and back t’ being a pain in my arse?”

She giggled and then playfully slapped me.

“Something like that; but you know that you love it.”

I gently kissed the top of her head and then rested my chin there.

“That I do Bolls, that I do.”


	22. Chapter 22

Alex had been called over to Fenchurch West for an interview. I had wanted to go with her but knew that it wasn’t really a good idea. I had to step away from the investigation; another thing that I hated; I was never one to sit on my hands. I had wanted someone to go with her, to support her, but Alex was determined to go alone. It made me realise just how insular a life she led; she didn’t appear to have any friends outside of CID. I even suggested that she ask Evan White to accompany her; but she shot that idea down in flames.

She had been gone for most of the morning, and I was practically climbing the walls with worry and frustration. More than once I had picked up the phone and started to dial my opposite number over at Fenchurch West CID, just to find out how she was; but then I had berated myself and hung up before I made a complete fool of myself. That said; after four hours and no word, I was just about to call and reputation be damned when the doors to CID opened and in walked Alex.

To anyone else she would have looked fine; but I knew differently. I could see how much it was costing her to hold everything together. I got to my feet, grabbed my coat and threw open the door to my office.

“Don’t bother sittin’ down Bolls, you an’ I ‘ave a snout t’ go an’ visit; so let’s fire up the Quattro.”

I brushed passed her and then waited for her to follow. As she met me at the doors to CID she mouthed the words ‘thank you’ at me. I nodded and then we made our way out to the car park.

.~.~.~.

Once again we were at the house. Alex had headed straight for the bathroom while I went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Whilst I had a feeling that what we were about to discuss would probably call for something stronger than tea, both of us had to go back to the office and it wouldn’t look good if we were both reeking of alcohol.

As I waited for Alex I thought about just how much she had changed me; and how much I wished that she hadn’t needed to. I had no regrets about us being together; I just regretted what had brought us to this point. I wouldn’t have wished what Alex was currently going through on my worst enemy; and I hated that I couldn’t resolve the issue in my usual inimitable style – the one that involved throwing the bastard concerned against something hard, usually a filing cabinet, until they told me what I wanted to hear or broke down crying like a baby. 

I heard sniffing, and looked up to see Alex standing in front of me. She was back in my pyjamas and those thick woollen socks again; I knew her well enough now to know that they were her equivalent of a child’s security blanket. I held out my arms to her and she hurried towards me, burying her head on my shoulder as the dam broke.

I held her tightly; running one hand up and down her spine and muttering soothing nonsense to her as she sobbed her heart out. Part of me rejoiced that she hadn’t rejected me; that I was still the one she ran to when she needed comfort and security; but again the rest of me howled with grief that this strong and gutsy woman had been destroyed so completely.

When Alex’s crying had subsided to the odd sniff every now and then, I swept her up into my arms and carried her through to the lounge, settling myself down on the sofa and cradling her in my lap; thoughts of tea long forgotten.

“Do you want t’ talk about it Sweetheart?”

She shook her head and then buried her face in my chest, clinging onto me for dear life.

“Can I do anythin’ t’ ‘elp you? Do you want anythin’?”

She shook her head again; but her death grip on my shirt and jacket lessened. I resumed my ministrations; feeling her gradually relax under my stroking hand. Eventually she sat up; her eyes locked with mine.

“It was horrible Gene; I had to go through everything over and over again. I felt as if they didn’t believe a word I said.”

My blood boiled; but I fought to keep my expression one of neutrality.

“Did they sat that t’ you?”

“As good as. Despite all the evidence I don’t think that Markham is going to get anywhere near a court for raping me.”

“I’ll talk t’ the Super; get ‘im to ‘ave a word with the Super over there; I promise you Bolls. Markham is never goin’ t’ ‘urt you again.”

Alex cast her eyes downward; I didn’t know if it was because she felt ashamed or if she thought that she would see disappointment in my eyes.

“I don’t know if I can do this; I don’t know if I am strong enough.”

I hooked my index finger under her chin and made her look at me again.

“Now you listen t’ me Bolls, an’ you listen good. I am never goin’ t’ force you t’ do anythin’ that you don’t want t’ do. If you don’t think that you can see this through then you don’t ‘ave to but; an’ this is one ‘ell of a big but; I don’t ever want t’ ‘ear you sayin’ that you aren’t strong enough. You are strong Alex; you’re one of the strongest people that I know; an’ I know that you won’t let this beat you. You even told me that yourself. Whatever you want; whatever you decide t’ do; just know that I am goin’ t’ be there beside you every step of the way.”

A half smile crossed her face, and as she leant in to me for a kiss she whispered, “I love you Gene Hunt.” When we broke for air we were both smiling.

“That’s good; ‘cause I bloody love you too.”


End file.
